Denny Peyton Sawyer's Page

Podcast Number 1 Okay, so... I'm listening to this song by Nada Surf called, "Always Love" and there's this lyric, um... "To make a mountain of your life is just a choice." Well if that's true, then lately I've been making mine into Mount Everest. There's - I don't know... a lot of stuff happening and I've been letting it get to me, so... that's what brings me here. I'll probably just delete this anyway. Um... okay. My dad said that I should talk to someone... so, I'm talking to you - all of you.

Where do I begin? Um... well, I guess until a few days ago, I thought my mom was my mom and my dad was my dad. Have you ever had something that you just - okay, you knew it was true, so then you never wondered about...

it was just - it just is, and then all of sudden, it turns out to be a lie? Okay, sorry. I know this all probably making zero sense, so maybe I should back things up and give you the "previously on..."

When I was eight years old, my mom ran a red light, and somebody else's mom ran into her. I mean, she went to the hospital, but she died. My mom - I mean, not somebody else's. Then not long ago, she came back. I mean, she wasn't like a zombie or a vampire... she was a brand new mom - Ellie... hmm... pretty f'd up, right? I mean, how do you react to something like that?
How'd she think I'd handle her showing up and telling me she's my long-lost mother? Did she think I'd jump for joy and invite her to a mother-daughter bake-off? Do they even have those? Anyway, it gets worse. Today, I came home to find Ellie in my room. I mean, what the hell is my dad thinking? My room - you know, it's the one place on the planet where I can actually feel safe. You know, I can't even tell you how angry I was when I saw Ellie holding my sketches - just like flipping through 'em like it was junk mail. Anyway, I said some things and then started crying like a girl and I stormed out and now I'm thinking, you know, why the hell did I leave? It's MY room. They should have been the ones to leave. And speaking of leaving, did I mention that my new mom has breast cancer? Hmm, didn't see that one coming, huh? Yeah, I mean - neither did I but, you know, there it is. She's in my life, she's in my room, I'm pissed, and then I find out she's got cancer. I mean, why even introduce yourself if you come with an expiration date? Hey congratulations on having a strange new mom to bond with, but better do it fast because - hmm, I'm kind of dying. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I know it sounds horrible. I don't wish sickness on anybody but... I mean, it doesn't change the fact this has all been a lot to take, so... what happens now, you know? Worse case: I send her away and never get to know her. Best case: I'm the first girl in Tree Hill with 2 dead moms.

You know, I got this theory that there's two kinds of people in the world: There are lyric people and music people. You know, the lyric people tend to be "analytical," you know, all about the meaning of the song. They're the ones you see with the CD insert out like five minutes after buying it, pouring over the lyrics... interpreting the hell out of everything. Then there's the music people, like Brooke, who could care less what the lyrics, just as long as it's got like, a good beat and you could dance to it. I don't know, sometimes it might be easier to be a music girl and not a lyric girl, but since I'm not, let me just say this: sometimes things find you when you need them to find you. I believe that. And for me, it's usually song lyrics. So... I'm in the middle of a good life, but a rough month and what shows up among all this stuff with Ellie, and the loss of Jake and his daughter Jenny? A Nada Surf album called, "The Weight Is A Gift." Weight like, W-E-I-G-H-T weight, as in heaviness. And just like that, I'm reminded that - you know what, it's probably gonna be okay. If it doesn't kill me - and it won't, then it'll make me stronger. So listen, I don't know anything about your world, hell I barely know about mine but if you're carrying around something difficult or something that nobody seems to see or get or can help you with... just remember: The weight is a gift, and we're not going out like that. ------Ok so if you guys want to read more of Peyton’s podcasts go to my blogs their all there I know there not really blogs but none of mine are. Any who enjoy ::1

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